Arnold Zeitbaum/Treasures
The following is an incomplete list of all of the treasures associated with Arnold on the Purple Moon Place website. Arnold's Chemistry Set '' That Mindless Mystic Wartella-Depew was assigned as my science lab partner! Get thee away, shuddering vision of mildewed maidenhood -- or else I will bend my genius brain toward shrinking you into a quivering atom and cast you into space! Of all the specimens of fair femaleness, WHY did I have to be stuck with Mavis? O unfair universe! Perhaps I should devise a special scientific potion to repel her FOREVER? HAH!'' Arnold's Smoking Tent '' Those slothful slow-wits from WPJH think that camping means getting down on your knuckles and running around like some primitive primate. Only MY genius realized that you can improve the Great Outdoors with a little chemistry. Okay, maybe I didn't know the lining of my sleeping bag was THAT flammable, and that it was going to get caught under the bunsen burner I brought from home and catch on fire….But that sort of thing can happen to anyone. And I don't appreciate DuBois' lame remarks about smoke signals, etc., etc. What an oaf.'' Arnold's Purple Orchid '' With much care and science I have secretly grown this blushing blossom for the Lady Fair of my Love. Alas, as I have watched its beauty flower under my amazing skills, the Lady herself has proved disloyal and treacherous! First there was the koala-like W.W., who proved a zombie beyond Zoron. Then there was the Blonde Damsel, who beat like the wings of a dove against the inner chambers of my heart -- but later proved herself without the slightest shred of human feeling. SO…that leaves the peerless beauty, R.M. SHE alone shall have the jewel of my garden, or I am not a chivalrous Knight of the Purple Orchid! Huzzah!'' Arnold's Poster '' Here is Brawny Superhero and Girl Wonder, facing a bold new world together! (Once the frizzy blonde head of a certain OTHER female - -to wit, W.W. -- adorned this poster, but no more!) Did you know a certain fiery-haired female’s birthday is a deep secret, known only to a precious few? I don’t understand why it’s such a mystery, but I rejoice at the fact that I know what it is! Dare I write her initials on mere paper? R.M.!!'' Arnold on Zoron '' Someday Weaseldorf is going to realize that my warnings about alien invasion were true. On that day, I will be crowned King of Zoron and taken with great majesty to the Home Planet. Then I will flood Whistling Pines with Zoronite rays and every teacher at WPJH will be forced to come to their senses. They will KNOW that chivalry is the only code of conduct worth having...to protect the innocent, defeat the bullying, and rescue all fair maidens. Then Weaseldorf will be forced to admit that you can have both alien space energies AND brave knighthood in the same planet. Who made him a teacher anyway, I should like to know???'' Arnold's Raven Valentine My love for you eclipses the sun! Your eyes like the stars do shine! You've phasered my brain with your beauty! You've conquered my heart, Valentine! Rtqktlz Doll Kqctflvggr: Rtfn fgz zit hstq gy q fgwst itqkz! Dttz dt of zit egdhxztk sqw qfr stz rtlzofn zqat ozl hgtzoeqs egxklt! Qeethz ngxk ekgvf, G jxttf gy dn ktqsd... Ngxk Afouiz gy zit Hxkhst Gkeior bolded text is written in a Monoalphabetic Substitution Cypher. When decoded, it reads: Dearest Miss Ravenswood, Deny not the plea of a noble heart! Meet me in the computer lab and let destiny take its poetical course Accept your crown, O Queen of my realm Your Knight of the Purple Orchid Category:Treasures